Build that hedge. Why safeguarding your emotions at work is crucial to long-term success.

It’s often said that men are good at compartmentalizing, that they are able to keep different aspects of their life distinct, without scope-creep. Imagine a file cabinet, with neatly divided sections, and clearly labelled folders in each section. Women on the other hand, allow different areas of their lives to mingle with each other, and there’s abundant overflow from one ‘section’ into the other. While there are pros and cons to compartmentalizing, my goal here, is to make a case for why it’s a practical approach to carry to our work lives. 

We devote 9-10 hours of our day, sometimes longer, including the commute, five days a week, to our work.  It consumes a good part of our lives, our resources, our attention spans, our mind spaces, and our skills and abilities. Justifiably, what happens at our work places, spills into our personal lives. We carry positive vibes from a productive workday into our homes, and similarly, a lousy work day affects our time at home, even after we return. We cannot truly switch off from work. I say that as someone who has difficulty disconnecting from work – I frequently bring work back home, and lose track of time when immersed in a task. So, in my opinion, that makes a careful safeguarding of our emotions all the more important. 

In my first job, at a company which shall remain unnamed, the culture was notoriously toxic and poisonously competitive. People felt they could succeed only by stepping on someone else, and that grotesque tone was set right at the level of the business unit head, a charlatan with zero integrity, character and morals, who eventually was 'allowed' to leave, after his treatment of female employees, and various sexual harassments came to light. None of it was news, or shocking to those who worked around him – he had a perverse reputation and was proud of it. That was his despicable life-story and contemptible legacy. 

Enough said, but as a result, the worst and basest instincts of the team came to the fore. Interactions were fraught with nastiness, snide remarks, crude jokes and back-stabbing. In that cut-throat atmosphere, I was determined to keep my head down and get a solid start to my career, in managing a prestigious brand with immense potential. I was quite the sponge, soaking up new learning experiences, and then asking for more. At this time, another team member, devoted herself to maximum drama – concocting stories, gossiping, and making a production out of every task, to gain attention, and pry credit and accolades away from me. I find it remarkable now, that I was able to keep my poise, and completely shrug off her frequent darts as water down a duck’s back, when I was just fresh out of school. A year later, I boiled at the recollection of her attitude toward me, and was able to simmer down, when I remembered an assessment from a co-worker in a managerial position, in relation to Ms. Toxicity’s workplace shenanigans “I know I don’t have to worry about you. I admire the way you carry yourself, with sophistication, keeping your head down and focusing on your work.” It was a higher compliment than I would have expected, but I realized that my openness in discussing problems directly, and never being seen as bad-mouthing even a colleague bent on doing me harm, had not gone unnoticed. 

As another plus, I also ended up developing a thick skin. You most certainly can shine at your work, without getting embroiled in office politics. If you have standard, predictable responses to potentially inflammatory social situations, in time, a pattern will emerge, visible enough, that the usual suspects will pass you by, when you refuse to fan the vitriolic flames. 

A last advice around this issue, is to never give your co-workers the power to hurt you – they could possibly offend, but not hurt. ONLY those in your inner circle, your family and closest friends, should wield such influence over your emotions. That is easier said than done. I do not want to reduce it to a simplistic heuristic, because human interactions are messy, complicated, and entangle quickly.

However, if you have built a hedge around you, with God at the centre of your life, your family, and deepest nourishing relationships, being your go-to for fulfillment and refreshment, the tendency to seek validation from work and co-workers will wane. Of course, there will be instances where you cultivate close personal relationships at work. You do want to be human, empathetic, and connect with co-workers on a personal level as well, but that can be accomplished without spreading your emotions too thin by going full-throttle in a professional environment. Remember, it’s a hedge you’re erecting around your emotions, and not barbed wire. A hedge is made with shrubs and bushes, unlike barbed wire which is cold and threatening. 

You must remind yourself frequently that your worth comes from your identity – who you are, and not what you do, as important as that is. As a Christian, I know and remind myself that my identity is in Christ, so I am free to work through significance, and not search for significance through work.

My story of the year

My name is Ajin; for those of you who do not know me, I've been coming to Sheridan Park Family Church for a little over a year now. I’ve been in Canada for roughly the same time. Since my arrival here, I’ve had the privilege of being an active part of this church, serving in a few roles, and being a part of small cell groups. Many of you have also warmly opened your hearts, houses and hearths, demonstrating the love of Christ in meaningful ways. 

In all things, I’ve experienced the rich providence and tenderness of God. As someone who came in without any connections to a whole new country, I’ve experienced the kindness of strangers, in almost all cases, without ever asking. I’ve been learning afresh that God, the maker of the universe, is interested in even the tiny details of my life and they are not inconsequential to Him. I can keep going to God in prayer, and ask with boldness and confidence, and do not have to pull back my requests, unknowingly treating God as a genie who only grants a limited number of wishes - so I better make my request worth His while. He is not the evil judge who has to be pestered to loosen His hand, but the God who delights in giving good gifts to His children. 

That realization however, does not take away from the fact, that I have also experienced dark nights of the soul, where my faith has been severely tried, and for a long stretch have also walked in a fog. God does not miraculously take my difficulties away, although he very easily could, in the mere blink of an eye. The winters of our lives are an invitation to wrestle with God, to take a hold of Him, and be utterly dependent on God. Isaiah 62:7 “You who call on the LORD shall take no rest for yourselves, nor give Him any rest until He establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth." If I were to say it colloquially, God loves to be bothered by me. 

In the midst of this season, while things were very uncertain for me personally, I began to pray about ways to be active in sharing my faith. In India, where I come from, although a very few are Christians, there is a deep spirituality and profound hunger for the divine, that makes it relatively natural to share your beliefs. There is no taboo on discussing religion or politics. In fact, invariably discussions return to ‘issues of the soul’ with ease and enthusiasm. I wasn’t sure about broaching religion or faith in a culture that seemingly had Judeo-Christian roots, but seemed a little keen, in my opinion to disassociate from them. However, not wanting to waste time, I thought of organizing meetings at a coffee house, and inviting people to bring their questions about the Bible and discussing its relevance for lives today. To my surprise, several people signed up, and a few began showing up to these meetings. I held them once a month, in a non-threatening venue, so people who’d never show up to church, may feel comfortable, and experience a setting where they are not judged due to their beliefs or lack thereof. 

There were a couple of meetings where only one person showed up. I’m learning that it doesn’t matter. I had the opportunity to meet one such person, who comes from a liberal background, been to church here with me, who also calls me occasionally to pray. Other times, there have been 7 people, with the most diverse stories - a gentleman who drove all the way from Cambridge, raised in a strongly atheistic home, who searched for the living God and found Him. Another young adult, who had an encounter with Jesus in his room on Christmas day, and is reading the Bible for the first time. It was mind-boggling to look at the Bible with his wonder and amazement as the stories unfolded, and he did not know what lay ahead in the next chapter. 

The star of this story is Jesus - He makes much out of the very little we give Him. And He does it for His name’s sake, not because we are skilled, or faithful. Colossians 4:5 says “Make the most of every opportunity." When we take God at His Word, take even halting, stumbling and awkward steps, it is my testimony that God always, always, honors and delights in blessing the tiniest acts of obedience. 

And lest I make it sound like it’s a great sacrifice on my part, it is absolutely not. In season or out of season, we must always look for ways to share the love of Christ, because that is a powerful tool that God uses to work in our own hearts. 

I do not go to any one of these meetings to minister. Without exception, I was the one who was ministered to, it was my soul that was nourished, rested, and reminded of the active, and living work of God. It doesn’t matter much what the method is, or even what the results are - it is about taking God at His word, and exercising our faith. God can use anything - an eloquent speaker at the pulpit, or an insignificant somebody at a coffee house.