Not knowing..

I'm at the verge of completing 7 years in higher studies. M.Sc. Biotechnology followed by an MBA with a specialization in marketing. 7 years of hoping to find my calling, and waiting. So, by this time, I should have crystal clear clarity on what it is I want to do with my life, right? Wrong. And I should know which moves to make and when, right? Wrong again. It's tough not knowing. So, I'm still waiting..

Do most people have eureka moments when it just occurs to them, that this is the profession that they will be the happiest in? Then, there are others, who've always known what they'd do when they grew up. The son who always played with his daddy's stethoscope, the lil' boy who made sand castles and grew up to be an architect, the girl who found happiness peering into a microscope at school and became a scientist.

I wish I could say, I've always known what I wanted to do, since I was like, a fetus..but instead (wonder if one can use but and instead in the same sentence - but let me not digress), I say I didn't choose Biotechnology..Biotechnology chose me. I seemed to others to have a happy confidence about my next move. But, that confidence was never my own. I just knew, in my heart of hearts, that wisdom about my next course of action would occur to me. Why lean on my own understanding?..

Yet, at one point, I wondered if I should give it all up and change track altogether. Maybe, when I turned 25. That emotion has been subdued, since I first had the thought.

So, this is what is going on in my head. I'll just take one day at a time. When you walk in obedience, you never have to constantly worry about whether you're on the right road and where it is heading. It may seem dark, sometimes, but you look upward for light. Seriously, if I knew it all, I wouldn't need grace. God gives his children their daily bread, each day..and one day at a time. No weekly or yearly rations. It's like being handed over the bus fare by a loving father, just before boarding the bus.

Such is life. Didn't Naaman have to wash himself 7 times in the river before he got cleansed? He could easily have been healed in the first contact with water.

After all, no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind had conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. The journey of life is intended to build the character of the pilgrim. Yes, it's tough not knowing what's next, and the answers to all the whys, whens and hows, but it's allright, in the end.

What I'm holding onto now, is hope. Of course, neither will I ever be content with the mediocre nor settle for anything less than my full God-given potential. And certainly, that may not be easy, but hey, I live by faith and not by sight..