It’s often said that men are good at compartmentalizing, that they are able to keep different aspects of their life distinct, without scope-creep. Imagine a file cabinet, with neatly divided sections, and clearly labelled folders in each section. Women on the other hand, allow different areas of their lives to mingle with each other, and there’s abundant overflow from one ‘section’ into the other. While there are pros and cons to compartmentalizing, my goal here, is to make a case for why it’s a practical approach to carry to our work lives.
We devote 9-10 hours of our day, sometimes longer, including the commute, five days a week, to our work. It consumes a good part of our lives, our resources, our attention spans, our mind spaces, and our skills and abilities. Justifiably, what happens at our work places, spills into our personal lives. We carry positive vibes from a productive workday into our homes, and similarly, a lousy work day affects our time at home, even after we return. We cannot truly switch off from work. I say that as someone who has difficulty disconnecting from work – I frequently bring work back home, and lose track of time when immersed in a task. So, in my opinion, that makes a careful safeguarding of our emotions all the more important.
In my first job, at a company which shall remain unnamed, the culture was notoriously toxic and poisonously competitive. People felt they could succeed only by stepping on someone else, and that grotesque tone was set right at the level of the business unit head, a charlatan with zero integrity, character and morals, who eventually was 'allowed' to leave, after his treatment of female employees, and various sexual harassments came to light. None of it was news, or shocking to those who worked around him – he had a perverse reputation and was proud of it. That was his despicable life-story and contemptible legacy.
Enough said, but as a result, the worst and basest instincts of the team came to the fore. Interactions were fraught with nastiness, snide remarks, crude jokes and back-stabbing. In that cut-throat atmosphere, I was determined to keep my head down and get a solid start to my career, in managing a prestigious brand with immense potential. I was quite the sponge, soaking up new learning experiences, and then asking for more. At this time, another team member, devoted herself to maximum drama – concocting stories, gossiping, and making a production out of every task, to gain attention, and pry credit and accolades away from me. I find it remarkable now, that I was able to keep my poise, and completely shrug off her frequent darts as water down a duck’s back, when I was just fresh out of school. A year later, I boiled at the recollection of her attitude toward me, and was able to simmer down, when I remembered an assessment from a co-worker in a managerial position, in relation to Ms. Toxicity’s workplace shenanigans “I know I don’t have to worry about you. I admire the way you carry yourself, with sophistication, keeping your head down and focusing on your work.” It was a higher compliment than I would have expected, but I realized that my openness in discussing problems directly, and never being seen as bad-mouthing even a colleague bent on doing me harm, had not gone unnoticed.
Enough said, but as a result, the worst and basest instincts of the team came to the fore. Interactions were fraught with nastiness, snide remarks, crude jokes and back-stabbing. In that cut-throat atmosphere, I was determined to keep my head down and get a solid start to my career, in managing a prestigious brand with immense potential. I was quite the sponge, soaking up new learning experiences, and then asking for more. At this time, another team member, devoted herself to maximum drama – concocting stories, gossiping, and making a production out of every task, to gain attention, and pry credit and accolades away from me. I find it remarkable now, that I was able to keep my poise, and completely shrug off her frequent darts as water down a duck’s back, when I was just fresh out of school. A year later, I boiled at the recollection of her attitude toward me, and was able to simmer down, when I remembered an assessment from a co-worker in a managerial position, in relation to Ms. Toxicity’s workplace shenanigans “I know I don’t have to worry about you. I admire the way you carry yourself, with sophistication, keeping your head down and focusing on your work.” It was a higher compliment than I would have expected, but I realized that my openness in discussing problems directly, and never being seen as bad-mouthing even a colleague bent on doing me harm, had not gone unnoticed.
As another plus, I also ended up developing a thick skin. You most certainly can shine at your work, without getting embroiled in office politics. If you have standard, predictable responses to potentially inflammatory social situations, in time, a pattern will emerge, visible enough, that the usual suspects will pass you by, when you refuse to fan the vitriolic flames.
A last advice around this issue, is to never give your co-workers the power to hurt you – they could possibly offend, but not hurt. ONLY those in your inner circle, your family and closest friends, should wield such influence over your emotions. That is easier said than done. I do not want to reduce it to a simplistic heuristic, because human interactions are messy, complicated, and entangle quickly.
However, if you have built a hedge around you, with God at the centre of your life, your family, and deepest nourishing relationships, being your go-to for fulfillment and refreshment, the tendency to seek validation from work and co-workers will wane. Of course, there will be instances where you cultivate close personal relationships at work. You do want to be human, empathetic, and connect with co-workers on a personal level as well, but that can be accomplished without spreading your emotions too thin by going full-throttle in a professional environment. Remember, it’s a hedge you’re erecting around your emotions, and not barbed wire. A hedge is made with shrubs and bushes, unlike barbed wire which is cold and threatening.
You must remind yourself frequently that your worth comes from your identity – who you are, and not what you do, as important as that is. As a Christian, I know and remind myself that my identity is in Christ, so I am free to work through significance, and not search for significance through work.
